I do not fully understand how my mind works when it comes to creative endeavors; specifically writing. In my professional life, I spend hours drafting messages, formulating responses, and delivering output in a rather timely fashion (generally speaking).
When it comes to writing for myself, in private, this too is done without hesitation. Whatever comes to me, comes to me. I scribble it down, and along life moves. For whatever reason, when the moment arrives to sit and share something publicly, the words clam up, and the flow desists. I’ve been told that the best way to combat this is to simply write. I suppose I’m making an effort at that now. Not thinking too much, and merrily scribbling along whatever comes to mind.
I find myself at home between tours, with a smidgen of time to dedicate to myself. I am privileged in the sense that I am paid to travel the world, in a role I enjoy, all the while being accompanied by some of the most badass people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. My role is full on when I am gone on a tour, and I am on 24/7. There isn’t really off time. It’s not something I’m upset about, but I do find it difficult to make time for personal projects.
It’s easy to use a busy schedule as a cop out. I tend to be hard on myself in this regard. I suppose that’s for the best, because when I feel that people are counting on me, the thought of letting them down eats at me. I am of the belief that this is a very healthy compulsion, but as of late, it has left me feeling a bit one-dimensional.
Reading, writing, and photography are some things I wish to spend more time with. I am not necessarily a withered leaf, as my life is rich in other ways, but I do feel myself craving these pursuits more so as of late. After a long day of being mentally engaged, sometimes it’s difficult to switch out of work mode, and delve into more of a playful, creative mood.
I believe both pursuits encourage and inhibit each other in ways that are perhaps imperceptible to the one trying to discern them. Finding a balance, or duality between the two is an ongoing challenge, but a necessary one.